Fire Star Press: Mass Effect

Friday, January 1, 2021

The Positive Side of Social Media

Happy New Year!

As a writer, I'm expected to have a social media platform and, for what's it's worth, I do. However, my relationship with social media is love/hate at the best of times, just hate at the worst. *sigh* And, as all relationships do, the one I have with social media has changed over time.

Twitter friends were extremely helpful during the years I was coping with elder care and the eighteen months in which I was dealing with the deaths of my father, mother, and mother-in-law. Many of those friends are no longer on Twitter and I don't blame them. I spend little time on Twitter myself; it tends to be a very toxic place. My favorite social media platform has always been Facebook because there I could interact with people but sadly, that is no longer true. Facebook now actively hides the posts by pages such as mine in an effort to force us to pay to "boost" our posts. Honestly, if they'd let me pay a yearly or monthly fee just to ensure that the people who follow me actually see my posts, I'd probably do it. But pay just so a bunch of people that aren't interested in what I have to offer can see it? No thanks.

Me searching for my tribe

However, while I've been unsuccessful in finding my tribe as a writer, I have found one as just me - a woman who loves video games. As me, not Izzy, I'm a member of a Facebook group for people who love the Mass Effect series of video games. So many gamer groups are toxic environments but this one is not. Is it perfect? No, but for the most part any disputes are handled well and the admins step in on the ones that threaten to get out of hand. For most of us, these games have helped us through the toughest times of our lives; when one of us makes a post to that effect no one mocks us because they understand. This group has evolved to become so much more. We share birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and births. (One member recently celebrated her 70th birthday!) People come looking for - and finding - support when they've lost their job, been diagnosed with COVID, or are just struggling with life during a pandemic. It's great to be a part of a community that cheers each other on, picks each other up, and just generally illustrates the best of what social media can be. So, on those days when I detest everything about social media, I just have to remember this group and the positivity it brings.

What sort of relationship do you have with social media?

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Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Writing the Dash

The Dash is a well-known poem by Linda Ellis, which you can read HERE. The poem describes how our lives are encompassed by the dash between the dates of our birth and death on our tombstone. However, well before our tombstone comes into play, the obituary announcing our death becomes a summary of how we lived our dash.

The death of my father on February 16^th brought home to me just how dry most obituaries are; they tend to be more a recitation of facts rather than a joyous celebration of the life represented. In my opinion, there are two primary reasons for this: First, for the individual(s) writing the obituary, the death of their loved one is still fresh and thinking outside the box is next to impossible when mere thinking is a struggle. Second, I think there is an impression that an obituary must be solemn. I beg to differ. A few days before my father’s death, my husband showed me this obituary. I loved it! Now, this sort of tribute wouldn’t work for straight-laced Aunt June, but shouldn’t your loved one’s obituary be a reflection of who they were?

When I sat down with my sister and my niece to write my father’s obituary, my mind went blank. What information did we need to include? Is there a standard obituary template that needs to be completed? My family teased me, wondering why they were having to help me, a published author, with what was basically a writing project. Well, as I mentioned above, it had been less than eight hours since my father’s death and I was still reeling; I could barely complete a coherent thought much less find a way to sum up the life of the man I loved so dearly. However, as we worked, the facts came together and there was even one sentence that summarized Daddy’s life:

“Jimmy loved woodworking, model trains, gardening, dining at the Cracker Barrel and performed as an extra in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.”

This was a good start, but for me, it wasn’t quite enough. Yes, Daddy really was an extra in Fried Green Tomatoes, but that was just a one-time thing and while he enjoyed the experience, it was not one of the things that defined him. My brain is always working on my stories, refining and tweaking them long before I ever begin putting them down on paper and it did the same with the obituary. When I went to the funeral home the next day to finalize the arrangements for Daddy’s memorial service, I changed that one line to read as follows:

“Jimmy loved woodworking, model trains, African Violets, the Blue Angels, dining at the Cracker Barrel and large strawberry milkshakes with whipped cream and a cherry.”

I love this sentence because it encompasses all of the great loves of my father’s life (outside of his family, of course).

When my brother-in-law died a couple of years ago, we included Pepper, his faithful canine companion among the list of survivors. Allen and Pepper were buddies, it was only right that Pepper be included.

So, I say, if/when you are tasked with writing the obituary for one of your loved ones, let us see who they were. Did your dad complete the crossword puzzle – in INK – every day? Tell us! Did your ninety-three year old grandma routinely kick your ass in Sudoku? Tell us! If you get the honor of writing their dash, let us see how they lived it.

As for me, I want to be remembered as the cool mom and wife who loved video games, fictional characters (find out which ones HERE), writing, and who always kept her family guessing as to what she would do next.

Garrus Vakarian from the Mass Effect video games. Who needs a book boyfriend when you can have a virtual one?

How do you want to be remembered?

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