Words Can Hurt – Ruben D. Gonzales

I’m sure I am not alone in just hating to cut words from my manuscripts, but some just need to be jettisoned before they hurt my writing. We recognize the more common clichés that should be edited out of our work, but there are also word gestures that can distract from your story. Words that tell but don’t show. Words like pausing, laughing, smiling (my preferred), staring, shaking head, nodding, frowning, shrugging, turning (second favorite), etcetera. It is an effort to rewrite a passage to “show” rather than tell, but the resulting work will be better.

In a master’s class I took we were advised to use our word program’s “search and find” function to locate clichés and replace with not just other words but also replace a sentence with a more “show” passage. The results will be more compelling actions related to the story at hand and more purposeful dialogue instead of chit chat that doesn’t move the story forward.

Using the “find” function I searched through a work in the editing phase and discovered I used the word “headed” over two dozen times. Some sentences with the word are justified but others could be “updated” a notch. For instance:

Before: “They think she swam out but tired and headed back in but the cold got her.”

After: “They think she swan out and tired, but before she could make it back the cold got her.”

The second sentence is just better all the way around. I know it happens in my writing, when I am rushing through the first draft and just anxious to get the story down. I promise to go back and look at the work critically, but get lazy and not always follow through.

In the manuscript I used "headed" in many forms; headed - out, in, over, back, down, up, under, through, off and others, but thankfully not, "headed for the hills".

I love dialogue but must temper this love to make sure all my dialogue provides a texture to the story and not take up space/add words. If you have a 70,000-word story, don’t write a 90,000-word manuscript. A sample story an editor proofed came up with 4,000 words that could have been eliminated, not counting supporting words like pronouns or other helping words, and the dreaded adverbs.

The first manuscript I finished hit the 150,000-word mark and I was so proud, until I read that most publishers want a mystery between 70,000 and 80,000 words, especially for a first-time published author. It took some time but I actually got that book down to 79,000 words and it finally got a contract.

But surely you ask, and ask I did, there must be room for, He turned and glared at her. And yes, there is, just not twenty times as your protagonist might get dizzy with all that turning and start to go blind with all that glaring. And even with a limp in your main character’s gait, once or twice mentioned is sufficient until the final chase scene when the limp prevents him/her from saving their lover.

Every gesture in your work should serve a purpose and body language should expand characterization and emotion. Fidgeting, a slight stutter, nervous tic, or unhealthy grooming practices can add depth (or dirt) to your characters, but don’t overdo it.

Ruben D. Gonzales
“Murder on Black Mountain”
www.rubendgonzales.com

THAT FANTASTIC FIRST CHAPTER, by Mollie Hunt, Cat Writer

 

I don’t mean to harsh the buzz of creativity, but the opening chapter—and in fact, the opening line—may be the most important part of your book. The story ark, the sub-plots, and the satisfying ending are important as well, but it’s those first words that will be read ten times more often than any other part of the work. You will recite them at presentations and send them out in your first chapter promo; potential readers will pursue them as they decide whether to take a chance on your novel. It is worth it to make sure these first words are well-written, enticing, and ultimately catchy. 

It took me a long time to remember this when I was starting a new book. My instinct is to start with whatever the story whispers in my creative ear and go from there. Sometimes that includes a catchy beginning, but often it doesn’t. I’ve found myself coming back more than once to make the opening more enticing. This isn’t easy—altering something once it’s written does not come naturally to me. 

Now after many years and many books, I’m finally getting the hang of it. Catchy first sentence. Intriguing first section that when read at presentations or publish as an excerpt, will entice people to buy the book. 

 I’m currently starting a new cozy mystery. Have I taken my own advice? Not really. But at least I’m thinking about it before I’m typing “the end.” I foresee an intense edit session in my near future. 

What are your thoughts about tailoring your work to the promo you will inevitably be required to give? Commercialism? Professionalism? Superfluous? Is it better just to shut up and write?

Cat Writer Mollie Hunt is the award-winning author of two cozy series, the Crazy Cat Lady Mysteries and the Tenth Life Mysteries. Her Cat Seasons Sci-Fantasy Tetralogy features extraordinary cats saving the world. Mollie also pens a bit of cat poetry. Mollie is a member of the Oregon Writers’ Colony, Sisters in Crime, the Cat Writers’ Association, and Northwest Independent Writers Association (NIWA). She lives in Portland, Oregon with her husband and a varying number of cats. Like her cat lady character, she is a grateful shelter volunteer. You can find Mollie Hunt, Cat Writer on her blogsite: https://molliehuntcatwriter.com/ 

Meet the Mewse

 

I'm amazed by the number of writers who have playlists they listen to while writing. I am not one of them. I have to have silence when I write; any noise distracts me, even music. Well, there is one sound that doesn't bother me - the purring of a cat. Those purrs are provided by Molly, my muse - or as I prefer to call her, my "mewse".

Miss Molly, mewse extraordinaire

 Due to the recent passing of our oldest kitty (Delilah), Molly and her brother Desmond (Dez for short) are now the old lady and old man of the house at 12 years of age. (They were named for the couple in the Beatles song Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.) Dez is a bit of a fraidy cat but Molly is much more mellow, a nice trait in a writing partner. When I sit down to write, Molly climbs into my lap and quietly demands attention. Once an acceptable amount of affection has been supplied, she curls up in my lap and purrs. For the most part, I couldn't ask for a better writing buddy. Molly is well generally well-behaved and stays off of my keyboard. She does occasionally get annoyed when I insist on doing things such as using my arms/hands and will pop off to her cat tree for a bit. But, once I'm forgiven, she comes back for more cuddles.

Molly and her nemesis (my pen)

Lest you think my mewse is "purrfect" I can assure you she is not. As I said, she stays off of my keyboard but, when it's time for pen and ink edits, all bets are off. As soon as the pens come out, the games begin and my formerly well-behaved mewse goes bananas, swatting at and chewing on the pen. Oh,well. I guess a girl's just gotta have fun.

Until next month, take care and happy reading!

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