Are you feeling strange? A slump in energy? A change in writing habits? An excess of anxiety? Do you spend an inordinate amount of time on the couch watching movies? Maybe even old television series you would not have bothered with before this grand isolation came about? Do you eat at odd hours, wake during the night, sleep later than usual, take a nap (or two) during the day?
For a while, many eons ago last March and April, many of us went crazy cleaning, gardening, cooking, playing with pets. But that burst of savage energy wound down at some point, and here we are, dead in the water. A friend of mine calls it Covid-brain. It's not that we have the virus, but our lives are impacted by it just the same.
Some of us are sick with headaches, body aches, fatigue, stomach and gut issues. Do you wonder at times, Is this it? Do I have it? Am I going to die? Or has the situation induced an anxiety episode or brought on depression? Those of us who live with mental health issues are always on the brink of a fall. Since depression and anxiety can be triggered by nothing whatsoever, the fact life as we know it has changed, that a deadly virus threatens our lives and the lives of our loved ones, that leadership is lacking and the country is divided, the fact that we are not the only country to be falling apart, the fact that some people think it’s okay to threaten others... oh, God, need I go on? Yeah, if we don’t have anxiety by now, we’re not paying attention.
I am an optimist. I believe everything that’s happening is moving us on a path that needs to be taken if we are to find peace. But lately it’s been hard to see past the symptoms of upheaval to the better things to come.
I am writing 3 books. One is a sci-fantasy about cats changing the world. (Oh, how I wish those kitties could jump in and save us now!); one is the first of a new cozy series; and one is the seventh in another set of cozies. I can still do that, though for the first time, I find myself wondering why I bother. My sales aren’t great and I have no heart for advertising. I finally recognized the feeling I’d been carrying around for the past month as, “I give up.”
I give up.
But I’ll still keep on writing and taking care of cats.
I will be a good person.
I will not hate.
I will not ridicule.
I will try to empathize with every single person.
If that’s not enough in the face of global bedlam, tough.
