The Light at the End of the Tunnel

 

February was a tough month for me. True, February always has the potential for sadness since it marks the anniversary of the deaths of both of my parents. However, this year was probably the easiest grief-wise for me since their deaths. My biggest problem was being blind-sided by COVID fatigue. I'm an introvert, so needing to stay home doesn't bother me. Or, it didn't. It seems that, for me, not being bothered by the need to stay home ends at around eleven months. Who knew? (I was in such a funk that I didn't even realize until mid-March that I had forgotten my March blog post. *facepalm*)

Somehow, it seemed to make it worse knowing that there was a vaccine that could make things better but also knowing that it was out of reach. In February, my home state was still in phase 1A of vaccine distribution with no plans to expand to other phases. At the rate things were going, it was looking like the earliest I would be able to get a vaccine would be this Autumn. I honestly didn't know how I was going to make it that many more months with next to no human interaction.

My husband and I have been trying to go camping once a month. Camping helps in that it gets us out of the house and outside. It doesn't help in that, thanks to COVID, we don't get to eat out so camping doesn't give me a break from endless meal planning and cooking. At the time of this writing, I haven't eaten at a restaurant in over a year.

Image from Facebook

During the month of February we heard from more than one person about health clinics, etc. that had waiting lists of people interested in getting the vaccine; these lists were used when cancellations or no-shows left them with vaccines that needed to be used. My husband made it his goal to find such a waiting list in our area; his first several calls were fruitless. He finally hit pay dirt with a call to our local small town pharmacy. We actually got a call back from the pharmacy later that afternoon asking if we could come in for vaccinations. It turns out that they had had a cancellation and had been on the phone for two and a half hours trying to find someone who wanted/need the vaccine; everyone they contacted had either already had it or didn't want it. We gladly accepted. The pharmacist thanked us over and over for coming in. I was on the verge of crying tears of joy. I had never been so happy to get a shot. Fortunately, getting the first shot automatically put us on the schedule to get the second one which we did on March 29th.

My hubby keeps me laughing.

The 2nd vaccine is the one that most people have some sort of reaction to which makes sense to me; it's proof that your immune system is doing what it's supposed to do. Even though your mileage may vary, here's my experience:

* My arm was achy for about 36 hours after the first injection but it was nothing that a little Advil couldn't handle. (The second pneumonia vaccine was far more painful.)

* The pharmacy requires that vaccine recipients wait 15 minutes after their shot to make sure there are no reactions. (The 15 minute wait should be a requirement no matter where you get your shot.) It turns out, that was a good thing. I had no problems after the first shot but, about 5 minutes after the second shot I suddenly got extremely dizzy/light-headed and thought I was going to faint. I fought my way through it but it left me feeling shaky. I reported the near-fainting spell to the pharmacist when he came to check on us; he admitted later that I gave him a scare, LOL.

* The shakiness never completely went away and fatigue kicked in about 5 hours after the 2nd injection. In spite of being exhausted, I didn't sleep well that night, in part because of the extreme pain at the injection site every time I moved my arm. (The pharmacist warned us that the injection site would probably be more painful with the second injection. He was right.) When I got up the next morning, I just didn't feel good in general; the fatigue had been joined by general achiness and a low-grade fever. My husband felt much the same way. By mid-afternoon, my husband was fine; I was not. I took Tylenol every few hours which helped relieve my symptoms. By the time supper rolled around, nausea and a slight upset stomach had joined in.

* Fortunately, when I got up the next morning, I was pretty much back to normal. A little residual achiness and nausea showed up mid-day but Tylenol and Tums got everything under control.

I would have gladly dealt with worse symptoms for the knowledge that should I now contract COVID, odds are, it won't be life threatening. My anxieties should now be willing to let me leave the house without threatening to overwhelm me. 

How are you doing? How are you dealing with COVID fatigue?

 

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Living in the Twilight Zone

A month ago I had no idea we would all be living in this new somewhat surreal reality. I knew it was only a matter of time before the coronavirus wreaking havoc in China and Italy made its way to our shores. I did not realize just how bad it would be; I don't know that any of us did.

Admittedly, I'm an introvert, so social distancing is my norm. My husband and I began limiting how much we left the house three weeks ago. Now that we have a month or so of it still to go I'm getting a bit twitchy. I miss being able to eat out. Even though I took over primary responsibility for cooking after I retired last year, meal planning is still not my forte. Non-stop meal planning for the foreseeable future? Ugh.

As most anxiety sufferers will attest, anxieties and long-term stress don't mix well. It also doesn't matter how logical the anxiety sufferer is, anxiety itself is not logical. Even though my anxieties are generally well-controlled, I really struggled for a while. When mine were at their worst a couple of weeks ago, I didn't want to eat. Why? Because eating would mean using our supplies and using supplies meant going to the store to restock and the thought of shopping was almost enough to make me hyperventilate. As I said, not logical.

In order to help put my anxieties at ease, we have changed the way we shop. I am now placing orders for groceries and other supplies online and picking them up at the store thereby negating the need to mingle with crowds of people. I know some people have been doing this for ages but it's new to me - it's also wonderful.

Image courtesy of depositphotos.com

However, as of April 1st, COVID-19 is no longer just a faceless specter. It is now wearing the face of my youngest son. My son contacted my husband when he left work on the 1st stating "I think I have it." Once he got home he took a picture of the thermometer - his temp was 102.5 F. I sent him the number of a coronavirus hotline. The hotline told him that he was one symptom away from testing by a mobile unit and to call back if he developed a cough/shortness of breath - and that, effective immediately, he must quarantine himself for 14 days. As of today (April 2nd), he has the cough/shortness of breath and the complete lethargy other sufferers have described. I'm in full mama bear mode. I want to load my car with soup and Gatorade and go see my son, but I can't. In short, this sucks.

These are difficult times and they are going to get worse before they get better. However, they will get better. In the meantime, we need to be kind to each other and love on each other - from a distance of course. Call/text friends, share funny memes, and take time away from the news/social media. Staying connected 24/7 won't change anything except you - and honestly, not for the better.

How are you doing? What are you doing to keep yourself sane during social distancing?

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Choosing Hope

This post is in a similar vein to that of fellow author and cat lover Mollie Hunt's post in July. (If you missed Molly's post you can read it HERE.) My posts for the last three months have covered #cockygate and book stuffing - two issues currently making big waves in the world of publishing. While both issues started in the Romance world, they quickly spread to other genres. (And sadly, romance is still an much maligned genre so issues have to spread to other genres in order to be taken seriously. But, that's a rant for another time.)

I've had to limit the amount of time spent checking on the latest developments in both areas. Why? Because it depresses me. For me, both reading and writing are for a love of words and stories. To see words and stories sullied by people who enter the publishing arena just to make money, makes me want to cry. I have a hard time calling these people writers because so many utilize the services of ghostwriters; the stories they capitalize own aren't even their own. I don't understand the mindset of those who look at publishing strictly as a way to pad their bank accounts instead of as a way to share the stories of their hearts. And, when these people begin actively working to remove their competition... Well, I just feel like throwing in the towel. Why am I even trying to tell my stories when people with much deeper pockets than me are working to suppress me and others like me?

As someone who has dealt with major anxiety issues in my life, I have learned that it is easy for current events to trigger my anxieties and the best way to combat the problem is to remove those triggers. So, while it's important for me to stay informed, I can do so by checking the latest information once or twice a week, not multiple times a day.

Doctors report an increase in the numbers of cases of anxiety and depression. I firmly believe that, in part, it is a direct result of the never-ending negativity that has become so pervasive in our culture. All you have to do is turn on the television and the news media is more than happy to beat you over the head with how horrible the world is and how everyone in it is out to take advantage of you. Yes, terrible things happen every day, but so do wonderful things. As for people, I still believe that there are far more good, kind people in the world than there are evil.

Image courtesy of Depositphotos.com

I refuse to be a part of the problem. I choose hope. I choose to use my voice, as small as it is, to spread love, joy, and laughter. I write stories about love, friendship, and fighting to overcome the bad in order to find the good. On my Facebook back, I share stories about people (and animals) doing their part to make the world a better place. It may not be much but it's what I believe I am called to do. I hope you'll join me.

How do you spread joy?

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