The Dash is a well-known poem by Linda Ellis, which you can read
HERE.
The poem describes how our lives are encompassed by the dash between the dates
of our birth and death on our tombstone. However, well before our tombstone
comes into play, the obituary announcing our death becomes a summary of how we
lived our dash.
The death of my father on February
16
th brought home to me just how dry most obituaries are; they tend
to be more a recitation of facts rather than a joyous celebration of the life
represented. In my opinion, there are two primary reasons for this: First, for
the individual(s) writing the obituary, the death of their loved one is still
fresh and thinking outside the box is next to impossible when mere thinking is
a struggle. Second, I think there is an impression that an obituary must be
solemn. I beg to differ. A few days before my father’s death, my husband showed
me
this obituary. I
loved it! Now, this sort of tribute wouldn’t work for straight-laced Aunt June,
but shouldn’t your loved one’s obituary be a reflection of who they were?
When I sat down with my sister and
my niece to write my father’s obituary, my mind went blank. What information
did we need to include? Is there a standard obituary template that needs to be
completed? My family teased me, wondering why they were having to help me, a
published author, with what was basically a writing project. Well, as I
mentioned above, it had been less than eight hours since my father’s death and
I was still reeling; I could barely complete a coherent thought much less find
a way to sum up the life of the man I loved so dearly. However, as we worked,
the facts came together and there was even one sentence that summarized Daddy’s
life:
“Jimmy loved woodworking, model
trains, gardening, dining at the Cracker Barrel and performed as an extra in
the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.”
This was a good start, but for me,
it wasn’t quite enough. Yes, Daddy really was an extra in Fried Green Tomatoes,
but that was just a one-time thing and while he enjoyed the experience, it was not one of the things that defined him. My brain is always
working on my stories, refining and tweaking them long before I ever begin
putting them down on paper and it did the same with the obituary. When I went
to the funeral home the next day to finalize the arrangements for Daddy’s memorial service, I
changed that one line to read as follows:
“Jimmy loved woodworking, model trains, African Violets, the
Blue Angels, dining at the Cracker Barrel and large strawberry milkshakes with
whipped cream and a cherry.”
I love this sentence because it encompasses all of the great
loves of my father’s life (outside of his family, of course).
When my brother-in-law died a couple of years ago, we
included Pepper, his faithful canine companion among the list of survivors.
Allen and Pepper were buddies, it was only right that Pepper be included.
So, I say, if/when you are tasked with writing the obituary
for one of your loved ones, let us see who they were. Did your dad complete the
crossword puzzle – in INK – every day? Tell us! Did your ninety-three year old
grandma routinely kick your ass in Sudoku? Tell us! If you get the honor of
writing their dash, let us see how they lived it.
As for me, I want to be remembered as the cool mom and wife who loved video games, fictional characters (find out which ones HERE), writing, and who always kept her family guessing as to what she would do next.
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| Garrus Vakarian from the Mass Effect video games. Who needs a book boyfriend when you can have a virtual one? |
How do you want to be remembered?
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