The Dash is a well-known poem by Linda Ellis, which you can read HERE.
The poem describes how our lives are encompassed by the dash between the dates
of our birth and death on our tombstone. However, well before our tombstone
comes into play, the obituary announcing our death becomes a summary of how we
lived our dash.
The death of my father on February
16th brought home to me just how dry most obituaries are; they tend
to be more a recitation of facts rather than a joyous celebration of the life
represented. In my opinion, there are two primary reasons for this: First, for
the individual(s) writing the obituary, the death of their loved one is still
fresh and thinking outside the box is next to impossible when mere thinking is
a struggle. Second, I think there is an impression that an obituary must be
solemn. I beg to differ. A few days before my father’s death, my husband showed
me this obituary. I
loved it! Now, this sort of tribute wouldn’t work for straight-laced Aunt June,
but shouldn’t your loved one’s obituary be a reflection of who they were?
When I sat down with my sister and
my niece to write my father’s obituary, my mind went blank. What information
did we need to include? Is there a standard obituary template that needs to be
completed? My family teased me, wondering why they were having to help me, a
published author, with what was basically a writing project. Well, as I
mentioned above, it had been less than eight hours since my father’s death and
I was still reeling; I could barely complete a coherent thought much less find
a way to sum up the life of the man I loved so dearly. However, as we worked,
the facts came together and there was even one sentence that summarized Daddy’s
life:
“Jimmy loved woodworking, model
trains, gardening, dining at the Cracker Barrel and performed as an extra in
the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.”
This was a good start, but for me,
it wasn’t quite enough. Yes, Daddy really was an extra in Fried Green Tomatoes,
but that was just a one-time thing and while he enjoyed the experience, it was not one of the things that defined him. My brain is always
working on my stories, refining and tweaking them long before I ever begin
putting them down on paper and it did the same with the obituary. When I went
to the funeral home the next day to finalize the arrangements for Daddy’s memorial service, I
changed that one line to read as follows:
“Jimmy loved woodworking, model trains, African Violets, the
Blue Angels, dining at the Cracker Barrel and large strawberry milkshakes with
whipped cream and a cherry.”
I love this sentence because it encompasses all of the great
loves of my father’s life (outside of his family, of course).
When my brother-in-law died a couple of years ago, we
included Pepper, his faithful canine companion among the list of survivors.
Allen and Pepper were buddies, it was only right that Pepper be included.
So, I say, if/when you are tasked with writing the obituary
for one of your loved ones, let us see who they were. Did your dad complete the
crossword puzzle – in INK – every day? Tell us! Did your ninety-three year old
grandma routinely kick your ass in Sudoku? Tell us! If you get the honor of
writing their dash, let us see how they lived it.
As for me, I want to be remembered as the cool mom and wife who loved video games, fictional characters (find out which ones HERE), writing, and who always kept her family guessing as to what she would do next.
How do you want to be remembered?
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As for me, I want to be remembered as the cool mom and wife who loved video games, fictional characters (find out which ones HERE), writing, and who always kept her family guessing as to what she would do next.
Garrus Vakarian from the Mass Effect video games. Who needs a book boyfriend when you can have a virtual one? |
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ReplyDeleteIsabella, I love that one sentence you wrote in Uncle Jim's obituary. It bought a smile to my face and a tear to my eye.
ReplyDeleteJohn
Thanks, John. I'm so glad you were able to make it to the service!
DeleteI'm so sorry for the loss of your father, Isabella. I can relate to you giving your dad a cameo in a story. I've done it, too. When a father gives you love and sound advice all your life, you're never going to let go of that.
ReplyDeleteOf course, obituaries are used to announce a death and the time and place where the deceased's funeral will be held so friends can attend. Eulogies, on the other hand, are stories about that person's life and telling personal accounts of how that person affected their lives. But I think your idea has merit. It would be wonderful if those obituaries told us something more and reminded us that the individuals who are no longer on the earthly plane had lives filled with love, hardships, fun, and people who will miss them terribly.
I wish you all the best, Isabella.
Thanks for stopping by, Sarah. The obituaries are the only glimpse into our loved ones lives that most people will ever have. I say, we let them see the person as well as the facts!
DeleteObituaries are so important. I think it is a shame that due to cost many people are choosing to not publish an obit of their deceased love one. They are gold to a family researcher. They are one of the best sources of female relatives. They give information about the individual as a PERSON, not just a name with a birth and death date. Thanks for seeing a meaningful obituary is written about your father. Thanks for sharing your great post.
ReplyDeleteHi Zina, thanks for stopping by. I had never thought of obituaries as a source of information for researchers. I'm obviously not the genealogist in my family, LOL! It's a shame that obituaries are so expensive. I was horrified to learn how much some newspapers charge!
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