Are you feeling strange? A slump in energy? A change in writing habits? An excess of anxiety? Do you spend an inordinate amount of time on the couch watching movies? Maybe even old television series you would not have bothered with before this grand isolation came about? Do you eat at odd hours, wake during the night, sleep later than usual, take a nap (or two) during the day?
For a while, many eons ago last March and April, many of us went crazy cleaning, gardening, cooking, playing with pets. But that burst of savage energy wound down at some point, and here we are, dead in the water. A friend of mine calls it Covid-brain. It's not that we have the virus, but our lives are impacted by it just the same.
Some of us are sick with headaches, body aches, fatigue, stomach and gut issues. Do you wonder at times, Is this it? Do I have it? Am I going to die? Or has the situation induced an anxiety episode or brought on depression? Those of us who live with mental health issues are always on the brink of a fall. Since depression and anxiety can be triggered by nothing whatsoever, the fact life as we know it has changed, that a deadly virus threatens our lives and the lives of our loved ones, that leadership is lacking and the country is divided, the fact that we are not the only country to be falling apart, the fact that some people think it’s okay to threaten others... oh, God, need I go on? Yeah, if we don’t have anxiety by now, we’re not paying attention.
I am an optimist. I believe everything that’s happening is moving us on a path that needs to be taken if we are to find peace. But lately it’s been hard to see past the symptoms of upheaval to the better things to come.
I am writing 3 books. One is a sci-fantasy about cats changing the world. (Oh, how I wish those kitties could jump in and save us now!); one is the first of a new cozy series; and one is the seventh in another set of cozies. I can still do that, though for the first time, I find myself wondering why I bother. My sales aren’t great and I have no heart for advertising. I finally recognized the feeling I’d been carrying around for the past month as, “I give up.”
I give up.
But I’ll still keep on writing and taking care of cats.
I will be a good person.
I will not hate.
I will not ridicule.
I will try to empathize with every single person.
If that’s not enough in the face of global bedlam, tough.
A clerk at the Dillard Store commented that our masks are causing more carbon dioxide and less oxygen to get into our bodies (and brains). That could be a physical reason for "covid brain".
ReplyDeleteI've heard that, but also heard that theory had been medically disproven. Besides, many of us aren't even going anywhere, so not wearing masks. No, I really think it's psychological; after all, none of us have ever done this before and change is hard.
DeleteI wouldn't be upset about lagging sales as that is true for everyone. Everyone is hanging on to every penny they have just in case. The proof is the small change has disappeared! You are so right about the "cleaning frenzy" early on in the year, and now I am barely better at it than before the pandemic.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a long few months!
DeleteHang in there, Mollie. I've been on the verge of quitting several times. Life is tough right now, but we'll all get through it. We have to believe that. You're a wonderful author and Cat Mom. Maybe you just need a break. This isn't the time to overload yourself. I have to admit that when I was at home, it was harder than it is now that I'm back at work to write. Weird that I can do more when I have less time. I hope you get your second wind, too, and don't let COVID Brain get your down.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debbie. Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I went on vacation and feel much better. Not sure my brain is working quite right, but it's getting there.
DeleteI laughed through part of this post...partly because I HAVE had some Covid Brain, and partly because I'm still trying to imagine cats attempting to save the world rather than pawing Earth off its axis just for fun.
ReplyDeleteMost writers are introverts, but Covid has taken us to a new level of isolation that most of us never imagined until now. I'm having trouble gearing up enough energy to write my outline on my next WIP.
Sales are down for most of us. Maybe people are using distractions other than reading to get them through this weirdness. Many of us have a hard time trying to advertise our work because it goes against the "Don't toot your own horn" in the manners lecture we got from our parents, but readers need to know we're here and we have some books they might want to read once they walk away from the refrigerator. Blogs are part of our advertising, so you see, you're there doing it after all.
Take care and keep plugging along, Mollie because Covid won't be here forever.
Well said, Sarah. This is a new level of isolation. I never realized how much comfort I got from thinking about doing something or going somewhere, even if I usually decided not to go. You take care as well.
DeleteI'm so sorry I didn't get back to you all until now. I've been out of town. Purrs to all!
ReplyDelete