Words Can Hurt – Ruben D. Gonzales
In a master’s class I took we were advised to use our
word program’s “search and find” function to locate clichés and replace with
not just other words but also replace a sentence with a more “show” passage.
The results will be more compelling actions related to the story at hand and
more purposeful dialogue instead of chit chat that doesn’t move the story
forward.
Using the “find” function I searched through a work in
the editing phase and discovered I used the word “headed” over two dozen times.
Some sentences with the word are justified but others could be “updated” a
notch. For instance:
Before: “They
think she swam out but tired and headed back in but the cold got her.”
After: “They
think she swan out and tired, but before she could make it back the cold got
her.”
The second sentence is just better all the way around.
I know it happens in my writing, when I am rushing through the first draft and
just anxious to get the story down. I promise to go back and look at the work
critically, but get lazy and not always follow through.
In the manuscript I used "headed" in many forms; headed - out, in, over, back, down, up, under, through, off and others, but thankfully not, "headed for the hills".
I love dialogue but must temper this love to make sure
all my dialogue provides a texture to the story and not take up space/add
words. If you have a 70,000-word story, don’t write a 90,000-word manuscript. A
sample story an editor proofed came up with 4,000 words that could have been
eliminated, not counting supporting words like pronouns or other helping words,
and the dreaded adverbs.
The first manuscript I finished hit the 150,000-word
mark and I was so proud, until I read that most publishers want a mystery
between 70,000 and 80,000 words, especially for a first-time published author.
It took some time but I actually got that book down to 79,000 words and it finally
got a contract.
But surely you ask, and ask I did, there must be room
for, He turned and glared at her. And
yes, there is, just not twenty times as your protagonist might get dizzy with
all that turning and start to go blind with all that glaring. And even with a
limp in your main character’s gait, once or twice mentioned is sufficient until
the final chase scene when the limp prevents him/her from saving their lover.
Every gesture in your work should serve a purpose and
body language should expand characterization and emotion. Fidgeting, a slight
stutter, nervous tic, or unhealthy grooming practices can add depth (or dirt) to
your characters, but don’t overdo it.
Ruben D. Gonzales
“Murder on Black Mountain”
www.rubendgonzales.com
