Words Can Hurt – Ruben D. Gonzales

I’m sure I am not alone in just hating to cut words from my manuscripts, but some just need to be jettisoned before they hurt my writing. We recognize the more common clichés that should be edited out of our work, but there are also word gestures that can distract from your story. Words that tell but don’t show. Words like pausing, laughing, smiling (my preferred), staring, shaking head, nodding, frowning, shrugging, turning (second favorite), etcetera. It is an effort to rewrite a passage to “show” rather than tell, but the resulting work will be better.

In a master’s class I took we were advised to use our word program’s “search and find” function to locate clichés and replace with not just other words but also replace a sentence with a more “show” passage. The results will be more compelling actions related to the story at hand and more purposeful dialogue instead of chit chat that doesn’t move the story forward.

Using the “find” function I searched through a work in the editing phase and discovered I used the word “headed” over two dozen times. Some sentences with the word are justified but others could be “updated” a notch. For instance:

Before: “They think she swam out but tired and headed back in but the cold got her.”

After: “They think she swan out and tired, but before she could make it back the cold got her.”

The second sentence is just better all the way around. I know it happens in my writing, when I am rushing through the first draft and just anxious to get the story down. I promise to go back and look at the work critically, but get lazy and not always follow through.

In the manuscript I used "headed" in many forms; headed - out, in, over, back, down, up, under, through, off and others, but thankfully not, "headed for the hills".

I love dialogue but must temper this love to make sure all my dialogue provides a texture to the story and not take up space/add words. If you have a 70,000-word story, don’t write a 90,000-word manuscript. A sample story an editor proofed came up with 4,000 words that could have been eliminated, not counting supporting words like pronouns or other helping words, and the dreaded adverbs.

The first manuscript I finished hit the 150,000-word mark and I was so proud, until I read that most publishers want a mystery between 70,000 and 80,000 words, especially for a first-time published author. It took some time but I actually got that book down to 79,000 words and it finally got a contract.

But surely you ask, and ask I did, there must be room for, He turned and glared at her. And yes, there is, just not twenty times as your protagonist might get dizzy with all that turning and start to go blind with all that glaring. And even with a limp in your main character’s gait, once or twice mentioned is sufficient until the final chase scene when the limp prevents him/her from saving their lover.

Every gesture in your work should serve a purpose and body language should expand characterization and emotion. Fidgeting, a slight stutter, nervous tic, or unhealthy grooming practices can add depth (or dirt) to your characters, but don’t overdo it.

Ruben D. Gonzales
“Murder on Black Mountain”
www.rubendgonzales.com